{"id":187,"date":"2014-10-29T00:26:43","date_gmt":"2014-10-29T00:26:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=187"},"modified":"2014-10-29T00:26:43","modified_gmt":"2014-10-29T00:26:43","slug":"the-cabbage-soup-experiment-day-two-the-cabbages-of-wrath","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/187","title":{"rendered":"The Cabbage Soup Experiment: Day Two (The Cabbages of Wrath)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Okay, a quick recap: yesterday was Day One of the Cabbage Soup Experiment<\/strong><\/a>. During that first day, I managed to botch the soup\u2014by adding 12 cups of onions and forgetting the cabbage\u2014and then I transformed myself into a bloated, walrus-like creature by eating two enormous bowls of the stuff before the veggies were properly cooked.<\/p>\n

But I woke up optimistic. Today\u2014day two\u2014had<\/em> to be better. First of all, the second day of the Cabbage Soup Diet starts with a baked potato. True, you can\u2019t add sour cream, butter or any other dollops of delicious awesomeness, but at least it\u2019s a baked potato<\/em>. Unfortunately, I didn\u2019t have time to eat mine before racing out to take Kid #4 for her driver\u2019s license test this morning. No worries, I told myself…I\u2019d dig into that dry baked potato when I got home in an hour or so. I didn\u2019t get back in an hour or so. The place was very very crowded. I didn\u2019t get back until mid-afternoon.<\/p>\n

I. Was. Hungry.<\/p>\n

Cheese is one of my favorite foods\u2014so it is, of course, forbidden on the Cabbage Soup Diet. Frankly, after being awake for seven hours without anything to eat, I didn\u2019t give a shit. I threw a potato into the microwave and\u2014unable to wait the four minutes it would take to cook\u2014I yanked open the fridge and started eating cheese. I ate garlic and herb cheese, old cheddar cheese, Asiago cheese…yes, I went on a Dairy Bender. Then\u2014because this was<\/em> the Cabbage Soup Diet, after all\u2014I ate the baked potato and two huge bowls of cabbage soup. I was full, and I was happy. For about an hour.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s something that those diet gurus don\u2019t tell you about the Cabbage Soup Diet. Have you heard of Golytely? It\u2019s the stuff doctors often prescribe to clean out people\u2019s bowels before colonoscopies. It\u2019s very effective. Almost as effective as cabbage soup. Proponents of the cabbage soup diet claim that you can lose 10 pounds in seven days on this plan. What they don\u2019t<\/em> mention is that the 10 pounds you lose consist primarily of the contents of your digestive tract, plus your digestive tract lining, appendix, gallbladder and other odds and ends that you have destroyed and will no longer be able to use. Cabbage soup is such an effective bowel prep that when I walk across the wood floors, now, I hear an echoing sound coming from inside my belly<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The worst part? I\u2019m hungry again. So before I go to bed, I\u2019m going to have to eat another bowl of bowel prep.<\/p>\n

Day Three tomorrow. I\u2019ll keep you posted.<\/p>\n

Did you enjoy this article? Subscribe to my blog and you\u2019ll never miss my posts (which are normally just once monthly\u2014this Cabbage Soup series is an exception). It\u2019s easy: Just enter your email address in the upper right corner of this page. I\u2019ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information, because I hate it when people do that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Okay, a quick recap: yesterday was Day One of the Cabbage Soup Experiment. During that first day, I managed to botch the soup\u2014by adding 12 cups of onions and forgetting the cabbage\u2014and then I transformed myself into a bloated, walrus-like creature by eating two enormous bowls of the stuff before the veggies were properly cooked. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"yes","footnotes":""},"categories":[4,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-187","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits","category-health-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=187"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":188,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187\/revisions\/188"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}