A few weeks ago, I decided to make falafel. Why? Because a cooking website emailed me the recipe, and because falafel is fun to say when you\u2019ve had two glasses of wine. I made a few mistakes during my cooking spree, and I\u2019ve decided to pass my new-found knowledge on to you. You\u2019re welcome.<\/p>\n
Lesson #1: Falafel, falafel, falafel\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n Yes, it\u2019s fun to say falafel after drinking two glasses of wine. But don\u2019t be stupid\u2014you know<\/em> you can\u2019t cook after drinking wine, so step away from the stove, dammit (sorry\u2026I was talking to the mirror).<\/p>\n Lesson #2: Find out what falafels actually are<\/em> so you\u2019ll avoid injury while making them<\/strong><\/p>\n Falafels are actually fried vegetarian fritters\u2014crispy on the outside, hot and fluffy on the inside. Did you know that falafel is actually an ancient Arabic word which translates to \u201chot oil burns really<\/em> badly\u201d in English? \u2018Nuff said.<\/p>\n Lesson #3: When they say the oil is important, they mean<\/em> the oil is important<\/strong><\/p>\n The recipe insisted that I use an oil with a high smoke point, like grapeseed oil. Well, I didn\u2019t have grapeseed oil, and the grocery store was way<\/em> too far away (at least one minute down the road, and I was in my pajamas) so I dumped extra virgin olive oil into the pan. Turns out extra virgin olive oil does not have a high smoke point\u2014its smoke point is approximately two degrees above room temperature. I set off all three smoke detectors, and two of them had to be tossed outside because they wouldn\u2019t stop screaming.<\/p>\n Lesson #4: Never \u201cwing it\u201d when making falafel<\/strong><\/p>\n The recipe said to soak dried chickpeas overnight, then grind them up in a food processor the next day. That struck me as a bit silly, since I already had nine cans of chickpeas in the cupboard (yes, I\u2019m ready for the apocalypse) plus I wanted to try falafel immediately<\/em>. So I substituted canned chickpeas. Don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n I also decided to skip the chill-before-forming-into-balls stage and just drop the room temperature gunk by rounded teaspoons into the oil. Don\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n Falafels are supposed to look like small, anemic meatballs and taste like pure awesomeness. My<\/em> falafels exploded the instant they hit the hot oil, then danced across the surface as they quickly charred, forming a layer of mutant vegetarian bacon bits.<\/p>\n Lesson #5: Give up<\/strong><\/p>\n I finally managed to make ball-shaped falafels. I did it by dumping flour into my canned chickpea mush until it would hold its shape. Once submerged in the boiling cauldron of smoking extra virgin olive oil, my falafels quickly transformed into little black balls of death\u2014dry on the outside, dry on the inside, with a 100% chance of lodging in the throat of unsuspecting victims. If it hadn\u2019t been for the wine I guzzled to wash them down, I might not be here today. If you want to find out how truly delicious falafels are\u2014and they are<\/em> delicious\u2014don\u2019t come here. I\u2019ve finally scrubbed all the oil splatters off my cupboards, and I\u2019ll be ordering them in restaurants from now on.<\/p>\n Did you enjoy this post? Subscribe to my blog and you\u2019ll never miss my once-a-month updates! It\u2019s easy: Just enter your email address in the upper right corner of this page. I\u2019ll never sell, share, or rent your contact information, because I hate it when people do that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A few weeks ago, I decided to make falafel. Why? Because a cooking website emailed me the recipe, and because falafel is fun to say when you\u2019ve had two glasses of wine. I made a few mistakes during my cooking spree, and I\u2019ve decided to pass my new-found knowledge on to you. You\u2019re welcome. 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