{"id":405,"date":"2016-12-03T22:28:40","date_gmt":"2016-12-03T22:28:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=405"},"modified":"2016-12-03T22:28:40","modified_gmt":"2016-12-03T22:28:40","slug":"fast-and-furry-ous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/405","title":{"rendered":"Fast and Furry-ous"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s almost Christmas. Which means\u2014as it does every year\u2014that the furry little jerks are sneaking indoors, again.<\/p>\n<p>Wednesday morning, I found a dead mouse in the living room. My two cats\u2014who had managed to kill the mouse, even though they\u2019re old, fat and declawed\u2014sat proudly nearby. I picked up the mouse and did my heebie-jeebie dance to the garbage can. Problem solved, right?<\/p>\n<p>Wrong. <!--more--><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-407\" src=\"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"mastomys-491576_1920\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920-300x200.jpg 300w, http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920-768x512.jpg 768w, http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920-1024x683.jpg 1024w, http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920-624x416.jpg 624w, http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/mastomys-491576_1920.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Dead Mouse had <em>not<\/em> come alone, and now his buddy\u2014Mouse #2\u2014was intent on revenge.<\/p>\n<p>Thursday morning, the toaster was surrounded with mouse poops. Not just a few of them, either\u2014clearly, Mouse #2 had taken a laxative. I set a trap beside the toaster, and by Friday morning Mouse #2 was resting in peace. Problem solved, right?<\/p>\n<p>Wrong, again. As I sit here, I can hear Mouse #3 slowly scrabbling his way up through the wall beside me. And my dishwasher\u2014which is less than two years old\u2014has suddenly stopped working. If I disappear, please alert the authorities.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s almost Christmas. Which means\u2014as it does every year\u2014that the furry little jerks are sneaking indoors, again. Wednesday morning, I found a dead mouse in the living room. My two cats\u2014who had managed to kill the mouse, even though they\u2019re old, fat and declawed\u2014sat proudly nearby. I picked up the mouse and did my heebie-jeebie [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-405","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=405"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":409,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/405\/revisions\/409"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=405"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=405"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=405"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}