{"id":439,"date":"2017-01-22T18:56:45","date_gmt":"2017-01-22T18:56:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=439"},"modified":"2017-01-22T18:56:45","modified_gmt":"2017-01-22T18:56:45","slug":"its-radishgate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/439","title":{"rendered":"It’s Radishgate…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d like to talk about something momentous that happened on Friday, November 20: The residents of Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania, finally found out why their town was turning into Sewage Shore, Pennsylvania. That\u2019s right\u2014Jersey Shore had started to smell. Really<\/em> smell. The odor was described as a cross between a dead deer, old gym socks and a bad fart.<\/p>\n

As you might expect, the police got involved. Okay, the media<\/em> got involved. A brave, local television reporter traipsed through Jersey Shore, searching for the fart (and here, I picture him wearing a gas mask and gripping a small vial of smelling salts).<\/p>\n

What did he discover? A whole field of rotting radishes. Now, I don\u2019t want to bias this story (not much, anyway), but I hate radishes, so I wasn\u2019t the slightest bit surprised to discover that they<\/em> were the evil force that had single-handedly destroyed the air quality for the 4,337 residents of Jersey Shore.<\/p>\n

I have always believed that radishes were never intended to be eaten\u2014like rocks and porcupines, they were meant to be admired, not ingested. Radishes are an entirely objectionable vegetable. They provide almost no energy, have the density of marbles, and taste like pepper spray. I have been cooking for quite a few years (according to my kids, I\u2019m older than Methuselah) and I have discovered that the key to making any<\/em> radish recipe taste great is to skip the radishes and use potatoes, instead. Think about it:<\/p>\n

*Radish curry? No. Potato curry is better.
\n*Roasted radishes? No. Roasted potatoes are better.
\n*Buttered leeks and radishes? No. Buttered leeks and potatoes<\/em> are better.<\/p>\n

See how that works? The only time you should buy a bunch of radishes is if you\u2019re making a fancy salad for company. Take one radish (only<\/em> one), slice it thinly and arrange it artfully over the top of the salad. Those white, inedible circles are code for \u201cI put a lot of work into this damned meal.\u201d The rest of the radishes? Leave them in the fridge until they start smelling like Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania, then toss them in the compost.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019d like to talk about something momentous that happened on Friday, November 20: The residents of Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania, finally found out why their town was turning into Sewage Shore, Pennsylvania. That\u2019s right\u2014Jersey Shore had started to smell. Really smell. The odor was described as a cross between a dead deer, old gym socks and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-439","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=439"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":442,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/439\/revisions\/442"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}