{"id":467,"date":"2017-03-09T18:26:06","date_gmt":"2017-03-09T18:26:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=467"},"modified":"2017-03-09T19:36:49","modified_gmt":"2017-03-09T19:36:49","slug":"to-catch-a-pampers-thief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/467","title":{"rendered":"To Catch a [Pampers] Thief"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week, police arrested two diaper thieves. That\u2019s right\u2014diaper thieves. The men broke into a warehouse in Fox Crossing, Wisconsin, and stole almost 100,000 diapers (a five-day supply for the average newborn).<\/p>\n

Now, don\u2019t feel sorry for them. These guys weren\u2019t parents of diarrhea-prone quintuplets. They weren\u2019t centenarians who couldn\u2019t afford to buy their own Depends. No, they were just two middle-aged dudes looking to make quick money\u2014their diaper stash was valued at $45,000.<\/p>\n

As you can imagine, the police are pretty ticked off about this, and they\u2019re considering felony theft charges\u2014which means the diaper dudes could be sitting in jail for 10 years. Ironically, the oldest of the two\u2014who\u2019s in his 50s\u2014might be wearing<\/em> diapers by the time he gets out.<\/p>\n

Why are disposable diapers so expensive\u2014and such a coveted item on the black market? I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s because of their key ingredient\u2014sodium polyacrylate\u2014a chemical that can absorb 300 times its weight in water. Don\u2019t believe it? Try tossing a few diapered kids into a lake and watch the water level drop (but pull them out afterwards\u2014we\u2019re scientists, not sadists).<\/p>\n

I wonder if the diaper dudes will bump into any convicted Lego thieves while they\u2019re in jail? Legos are another ridiculously overpriced kid product now available on the black market. In the last few years, undercover officers have seized $275,000-worth of these pricey little blocks\u2014and that\u2019s just in Oregon (state motto: Let go my Lego).<\/p>\n

You know what would be great punishment for these guys? Line their jail cells with wall-to-wall carpeting embedded with Legos. Then take away their socks and shoes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week, police arrested two diaper thieves. That\u2019s right\u2014diaper thieves. The men broke into a warehouse in Fox Crossing, Wisconsin, and stole almost 100,000 diapers (a five-day supply for the average newborn).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=467"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/467\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":471,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/467\/revisions\/471"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}