{"id":627,"date":"2017-12-08T18:57:39","date_gmt":"2017-12-08T18:57:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=627"},"modified":"2017-12-08T18:57:39","modified_gmt":"2017-12-08T18:57:39","slug":"after-55-years-the-big-fight%e2%80%a8%e2%80%a8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/627","title":{"rendered":"After 55 years&#8230;The Big Fight\u2028\u2028"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary last May. I\u2019m not sure which one that is\u2014diamond? gold? arsenic? Whatever\u2026they\u2019ve been together 55 years, and they get along great. Then last week it finally happened\u2014<strong>The Big Fight<\/strong>. The trigger? My mom wanted to get into my dad\u2019s pants.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>A little background: Sears (a Canadian department store chain) recently declared bankruptcy. They\u2019ve been liquidating and, as everyone knows,\u201cliquidating\u201d is babble-speak for \u201cbuy it fast\u2014there&#8217;s only one left.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So my dad did. He bought a pair of pants. He bought <strong>The World\u2019s Most Perfect Pants<\/strong>. They\u2019re soft, comfy, warm, and they fit him perfectly. They fit my <em>mom<\/em> perfectly, too, so she asked my dad to give her his new pants\u2014and that\u2019s when the fur (or, in this case, the polyester) flew. I\u2019ll summarize their arguments, so you can pick sides\u2026<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mom\u2019s perfectly valid arguments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cThey fit me perfectly\u2026and they have pockets! I love pockets.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s the <em>last pair<\/em> at Sears. I checked! I\u2019ll never find anything that perfect.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re only wearing them to tai chi\u2014I\u2019d get <em>so<\/em> much more use out of them, for heaven\u2019s sake!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou wear the same old pants all the time\u2014if I take <em>these<\/em> ones you\u2019ll never notice.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re probably just going to hide the damned things in your closet. Give them to me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dad\u2019s perfectly valid arguments (I may be paraphrasing):\u2028\u2028<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut they\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut they\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut they\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut they\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut they\u2019re mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m not recommending stubbornness and repetition as a debating strategy, but I <em>will<\/em> say that when my parents drove off a few minutes later, my dad was still wearing the coveted pants. How this will end is anyone\u2019s guess, though. Eventually he\u2019s going to have to take them off\u2014and my mom does the laundry.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary last May. I\u2019m not sure which one that is\u2014diamond? gold? arsenic? Whatever\u2026they\u2019ve been together 55 years, and they get along great. Then last week it finally happened\u2014The Big Fight. The trigger? My mom wanted to get into my dad\u2019s pants.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/627","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=627"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/627\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":631,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/627\/revisions\/631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=627"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=627"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=627"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}