When I went to bed last night, there were two baskets on the kitchen counter. They contained eight beautiful, perfectly ripe avocados\u2014plus some plum tomatoes, bananas and a huge, heavy mango. This morning, I woke up to a crime scene.
\n<\/p>\n
The avocados, tomatoes and mango had all been knocked out of the baskets, dragged across the counter and stabbed repeatedly with tiny, razor-sharp objects. Only the bananas had survived the assault unscathed.<\/p>\n
Who was responsible for this heinous act of vandalism, you ask? I\u2019m going to assume it was the damned cat that I found lying on his side a mere three feet from the carnage.<\/p>\n
Mufasa (or MuFatso, as we often call him) is\u2026unusual. While our other two cats are slim, healthy and fairly normal, Mufasa sleeps constantly, sheds profusely and is morbidly obese. He likes to fart in my lap, sneeze on my keyboard and will only<\/em> throw up on carpeting.<\/p>\n And now, it seems, MuFatso has developed a fruit fetish. I think I\u2019ve found a way to deter our Midnight Muncher, though. Tonight, I\u2019m leaving out a basket of Thai green chile peppers.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When I went to bed last night, there were two baskets on the kitchen counter. They contained eight beautiful, perfectly ripe avocados\u2014plus some plum tomatoes, bananas and a huge, heavy mango. This morning, I woke up to a crime scene.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/701","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=701"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/701\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":702,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/701\/revisions\/702"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=701"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=701"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=701"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}