{"id":716,"date":"2018-05-12T23:05:43","date_gmt":"2018-05-12T23:05:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=716"},"modified":"2018-05-12T23:05:43","modified_gmt":"2018-05-12T23:05:43","slug":"its-all-fun-and-games-until-someone-squeezes-the-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/716","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s All Fun and Games Until Someone Squeezes the Cat"},"content":{"rendered":"

In my last blog post\u2014The Five Stages of Cat Ownership<\/i><\/a>\u2014I may have suggested that cats are not entirely perfect. I may have suggested that they have a few teeny tiny flaws. I was wrong. Cats have two huge<\/i> flaws\u2014anal glands.<\/span><\/p>\n

I knew dogs possessed anal glands. My first Great Dane used to thrust his hind legs in the air and drag himself across the carpet\u2014like a drunk, hairy ballerina\u2014in the hopes of lowering our home\u2019s property value so we\u2019d never move.<\/span><\/p>\n

But cats? Anal glands? I was shocked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I was not nearly as shocked as Daughter #2, upon whom the aforementioned anal glands exploded last week.<\/span><\/p>\n

Daughter #2 insists<\/i>\u00a0that she did nothing wrong\u2014she insists<\/em>\u00a0that she had every right to leave a brand-new jacket on her bed. She\u2019s wrong, of course. As everyone knows, all<\/i> flat surfaces are designated as shedding and puking zones for cats. Which is why our most high-strung cat leapt up on the bed and commenced shedding on the brand-new jacket.<\/span><\/p>\n

Daughter #2 insists<\/i> that she did not squeeze the cat\u2014she merely lunged across the room, grabbed the cat and quickly moved it to a jacket-free portion of the bed. Which is why high-strung cat sprayed the bed, the jacket and the daughter with\u2026stuff. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not entirely sure what the stuff<\/i> is that comes out of a cat\u2019s anal glands, but the smell could best be described as Skunk Light\u2014and the cleaning procedure could best be described as \u201cthrow it out.\u201d So if you ever see a cat sitting on something you value, feel free to relocate the cat\u2014but move slowly, and put on a gas mask, first.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my last blog post\u2014The Five Stages of Cat Ownership\u2014I may have suggested that cats are not entirely perfect. I may have suggested that they have a few teeny tiny flaws. I was wrong. Cats have two huge flaws\u2014anal glands.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-716","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=716"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":718,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/716\/revisions\/718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=716"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=716"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=716"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}