{"id":737,"date":"2018-07-15T17:45:31","date_gmt":"2018-07-15T17:45:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=737"},"modified":"2018-07-15T17:45:31","modified_gmt":"2018-07-15T17:45:31","slug":"when-rodents-cant-relax","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/737","title":{"rendered":"When rodents can\u2019t relax"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re looking for a pet that\u2019s soft and cuddly-looking\u2014and that will immediately go into cardiac arrest if you touch it\u2014guinea pigs are perfect. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m babysitting two guinea pigs this week while daughter #1 and her husband are away. Every day\u2014twice a day\u2014I feed them, change their water, give them fresh bedding and try to bond.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not going well. <\/span><\/p>\n

Despite the fact that they\u2019re basically morbidly obese rats with tiny feet and no tails, both of these guinea pigs\u2014who I\u2019ll call Bed Head and Sir Crapsalot\u2014can defy gravity. As I walk toward them, they become airborne and smash off the walls of their cage, trying frantically to escape. You\u2019d think I\u2019d fired up a chainsaw. <\/span><\/p>\n

To be fair, I\u2019m used to cats\u2014old, lazy cats that sleep 23-1\/2 hours daily and only stand if they want to eat or use the litter box. My cats are so lazy that I have to shuffle if I\u2019m walking in the dark\u2014once they\u2019re lying down they won\u2019t move, even if they\u2019re in the hallway. It\u2019s like tripping over a large watermelon.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, yes, I\u2019m used to calmer pets. Pets that I can cuddle. So watching Bed Head and Sir Crapsalot act like I\u2019m trying to murder them is a bit jarring. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you hand-feed them cucumber, they\u2019ll love you,\u201d daughter #1 claimed. Right. The first time I offered them cucumber, Bed Head raced off into the farthest corner of the cage and stayed there, tense and shaking, with his back toward me. It was the rodent version of The Blair Witch Project. <\/span><\/p>\n

The next time I offered them cucumber, Sir Crapsalot got brave\u2014he scuttled over, yanked the cucumber out of my hand and backpedaled frantically, trying to find the best spot to have his anxiety attack.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s kind of irritating that they\u2019re this skittish. If they\u2019d been born in Peru, they would have been eaten by now. Apparently, whole guinea pigs\u2014roasted, grilled or deep fried\u2014are considered a delicacy, there. Not once<\/i> have I turned on the stove when they\u2019ve been watching. I think they owe me a cuddle.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re looking for a pet that\u2019s soft and cuddly-looking\u2014and that will immediately go into cardiac arrest if you touch it\u2014guinea pigs are perfect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=737"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":740,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions\/740"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}