{"id":744,"date":"2018-08-09T16:25:16","date_gmt":"2018-08-09T16:25:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=744"},"modified":"2018-08-09T16:25:16","modified_gmt":"2018-08-09T16:25:16","slug":"the-boobonic-plague","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/744","title":{"rendered":"The Boobonic Plague"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today, we celebrate the anniversary of the bubonic plague outbreak that decimated Europe between 1347 to 1750. Well, technically, I\u2019m<\/i> celebrating the plague outbreak that decimated me<\/i> last Wednesday and Thursday\u2014it was a long two days, and I\u2019m fishing for sympathy, here.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m not 100% sure how this happened\u2014I haven\u2019t (to my knowledge) been anywhere near a flea-bitten rat since living in a grungy apartment during my university years. But I was, very briefly, in a room full of snotty babies and toddlers last week, so I\u2019m pointing an accusatory finger at those little trolls.<\/span><\/p>\n

My plague started out mildly enough\u2014a little bellyache, a little bloating\u2026nothing too serious. But within hours I\u2019d been slammed with a high fever, severe abdominal pain, vomiting, dizziness, muscle weakness and other assorted symptoms that harkened impending doom. My white blood cells had glimpsed Flu-mageddon and had abandoned me. <\/span><\/p>\n

I remember, clearly, the moment when I knew death was imminent. It was Thursday, and I was staring at a glass of wine that I could not drink. That\u2019s right. I had already missed my Wednesday night glass of wine\u2014I\u2019d been busy vomiting at the time\u2014and now my Thursday glass was sitting, untouched, on the counter. I covered the wine with saran wrap and put it in the fridge\u2014my kids, I decided, could use it to toast me at my funeral.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, somehow, I survived. Yes, despite the virus, the vomiting and the melodramatic self-pity, I survived.<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m here to tell you that Ingrid Bergman was right: \u201cThe secret to happiness is good health and a bad memory.\u201d I\u2019ve had several glasses of wine since recovering from that near-death experience, and I\u2019m not only healthy, now, I\u2019m already losing my memory of that horrid event. Cheers!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today, we celebrate the anniversary of the bubonic plague outbreak that decimated Europe between 1347 to 1750. Well, technically, I\u2019m celebrating the plague outbreak that decimated me last Wednesday and Thursday\u2014it was a long two days, and I\u2019m fishing for sympathy, here.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/744","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=744"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/744\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":745,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/744\/revisions\/745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=744"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=744"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=744"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}