{"id":749,"date":"2018-09-15T20:17:28","date_gmt":"2018-09-15T20:17:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=749"},"modified":"2018-09-15T20:17:28","modified_gmt":"2018-09-15T20:17:28","slug":"lizzie-the-pooh","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/749","title":{"rendered":"Lizzie the Pooh"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m a grandmother, now\u2014one of my daughters had a baby three weeks ago (no, I\u2019m not feeling old\u2014thanks for asking).\u00a0<\/span>I must admit, I\u2019ve been enjoying all the firsts. Like the first time the baby lifted her head and turned into a bobblehead doll, and the first time she smacked herself in the face and made herself cry. It\u2019s a lot more fun when you\u2019re not the parent so you know you\u2019re not going to be blamed if they turn out terribly.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

I do have a word of advice, though (don\u2019t I always?). It\u2019s about the diapers. Now that cloth diapers aren\u2019t as common, when someone on (and, here, I\u2019m being tactful) an Extremely Tight Budget<\/i> has a baby, many people are gifting them boxes of disposables. This is actually a very thoughtful gift\u2014especially since a two-year supply of diapers costs more than a purebred Tibetan Mastiff.<\/span><\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the problem: Almost everyone gifted my daughter (who is on an Extremely Tight Budget<\/i>) newborn-sized diapers. <\/span><\/p>\n

These diapers are horribly mislabelled. They are not<\/i> newborn size\u2014they\u2019re premie size, at best. They might actually be Barbie doll size. Elizabeth weighed less than seven pounds when she was born, and those so-called \u201cnewborn\u201d diapers barely fit her on day one. We have a stash of approximately 931 microscopically tiny diapers in the bathroom (give or take a few\u2014I\u2019m not sure how many times she\u2019s pooped since I started typing this) and she grew out of them in the first week. <\/span><\/p>\n

Lizzie is still wearing the newborn diapers, of course. Under no circumstances are we going to waste free diapers. But now she looks like she\u2019s wearing a puffy thong. And since Lizzie\u2019s poopeus maximus muscles are incredibly well developed\u2014and, as everyone knows, thong underwear is really only for show\u2014she\u2019s creating a stunning mess at least once every day. <\/span><\/p>\n

So if you\u2019re planning on giving an expectant mom disposable diapers as a gift, please consider opting for a much larger size\u2014and maybe throw in a box of Depends for Grandma.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m a grandmother, now\u2014one of my daughters had a baby three weeks ago (no, I\u2019m not feeling old\u2014thanks for asking).\u00a0I must admit, I\u2019ve been enjoying all the firsts. Like the first time the baby lifted her head and turned into a bobblehead doll, and the first time she smacked herself in the face and made […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-749","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=749"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":752,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/749\/revisions\/752"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=749"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=749"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=749"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}