{"id":762,"date":"2018-10-26T19:32:31","date_gmt":"2018-10-26T19:32:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/?p=762"},"modified":"2018-10-26T19:32:31","modified_gmt":"2018-10-26T19:32:31","slug":"the-mystery-of-the-stolen-colon-the-next-nancy-drew-novel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/archives\/762","title":{"rendered":"The Mystery of the Stolen Colon (the next Nancy Drew novel)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Want a great conversation starter? A 10-foot long, 150-pound inflatable colon is your best bet, according to John Ashcraft, M.D., a University of Kansas cancer specialist. There\u2019s only one problem: Dr. Ashcraft\u2019s favorite colon has been stolen.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s right. On October 18, some hooligans saw the colon on the back of a pickup truck in Kansas City, Missouri, and staggered off with it (I\u2019m assuming they staggered\u2014I mean, the colon weighed 150 pounds).<\/span><\/p>\n

The nonprofit group that had paid $4,000 for the colon felt pretty crappy about this. They\u2019d been hoping to blow up the colon and set it out at a local marathon so runners could stagger through it (I\u2019m assuming they\u2019d stagger\u2014I mean, this was a marathon). <\/span><\/p>\n

Instead, the runners crossed the finish line without seeing the inner workings of a diseased colon\u2014and the Colon Cancer Coalition had to raise money to replace this important asset.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turns out people were so moved by this shitty turn of events that the money flooded in (here\u2019s the link<\/b><\/a>, in case you don\u2019t believe me). The Colon Cancer Coalition now has enough money to buy two<\/i> brand-new colons. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, like every good Nancy Drew novel, The Mystery of the Stolen Colon<\/i>, has a happy ending. But please remember to get screened for colon cancer\u2014that is, after all, the whole reason Dr. Ashcraft loves showing off his inflatable colon.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Want a great conversation starter? A 10-foot long, 150-pound inflatable colon is your best bet, according to John Ashcraft, M.D., a University of Kansas cancer specialist. There\u2019s only one problem: Dr. Ashcraft\u2019s favorite colon has been stolen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funny-bits"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=762"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":765,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/762\/revisions\/765"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/brendakearns.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}