The Horror of Christmas Crafting

Last week, I decided to try my hand at picture framing—I decided to try one of those DIY projects that I love to watch on decorating shows. All things considered, I think it went pretty well. And by “all things considered,” I mean that I still have 10 fingers and the vacuum is working, again.

Here’s what happened: I’d been given some old black and white photos of my parents (their baby pictures, pictures from when they were dating—that sort of thing). I also had a large picture frame that I wasn’t using—one with a nicely-cut matting that could hold seven photos. Plus—and this was the clincher—I had a bare wall in my dining room, and a sense of optimism about my crafting abilities that hadn’t yet been crushed by any real life experience.

I decided to surprise my parents by framing their photos and hanging them in the dining room in time for Christmas. I was determined that, this year, I was going to be their favorite kid.

I chose the seven best photos from the collection, drove into town and had them enlarged to fit the holes in the matting. Then I dismantled the metal frame, inserted my parents’ pictures and put the frame back together. Done!

The first sign that something might be amiss was when I lifted my awesome DIY project off the bed and the glass exploded.

I learned a few things over the next half hour or so:

a) A bed is not an ideal surface for DIY framing.
b) Glass shards are difficult to collect, because they slice right through garbage bags.
b) When you vacuum sheets, the threads get sucked into the beater bar, causing the vacuum to squeal at a pitch that traumatizes dogs.

Determined to succeed at this damned DIY thing, I dug around in the attic until found the matching frame to the one I’d just destroyed. And this time, I got it right: I worked on a table (so the glass would have more support), I dismantled the frame extremely carefully, and I didn’t tighten the screws nearly as much as I had the first time.

I learned a few things over the next half hour or so:

a) A table is not an ideal surface for DIY framing.
b) Glass shards are difficult to collect when they’re spread all over a kitchen floor.
b) As a rule, sheets of glass that are 3’ X 3’ always explode during DIY projects.

I now have a pretty matting, seven photos of my parents and two dismantled metal frames with no glass. My parents have reassured me that I’m still their favorite kid. Which is good, because I’m an only child.