My parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary last May. I’m not sure which one that is—diamond? gold? arsenic? Whatever…they’ve been together 55 years, and they get along great. Then last week it finally happened—The Big Fight. The trigger? My mom wanted to get into my dad’s pants.
A little background: Sears (a Canadian department store chain) recently declared bankruptcy. They’ve been liquidating and, as everyone knows,“liquidating” is babble-speak for “buy it fast—there’s only one left.”
So my dad did. He bought a pair of pants. He bought The World’s Most Perfect Pants. They’re soft, comfy, warm, and they fit him perfectly. They fit my mom perfectly, too, so she asked my dad to give her his new pants—and that’s when the fur (or, in this case, the polyester) flew. I’ll summarize their arguments, so you can pick sides…
Mom’s perfectly valid arguments:
“They fit me perfectly…and they have pockets! I love pockets.”
“That’s the last pair at Sears. I checked! I’ll never find anything that perfect.”
“You’re only wearing them to tai chi—I’d get so much more use out of them, for heaven’s sake!”
“You wear the same old pants all the time—if I take these ones you’ll never notice.”
“You’re probably just going to hide the damned things in your closet. Give them to me.”
Dad’s perfectly valid arguments (I may be paraphrasing):
“But they’re mine.”
“But they’re mine.”
“But they’re mine.”
“But they’re mine.”
“But they’re mine.”
I’m not recommending stubbornness and repetition as a debating strategy, but I will say that when my parents drove off a few minutes later, my dad was still wearing the coveted pants. How this will end is anyone’s guess, though. Eventually he’s going to have to take them off—and my mom does the laundry.
Great story! Always hilarious. Your dad’s arguments made me laugh out loud.
My dad can be persistent, no question about it!
I STILL have them … but she hasn’t done the laundry yet.
Good solid defence, Uncle Pat!
Hugs!
He’ll be happy to know you’re on his side, Tracie, LOL!
Dad, you’re going to have to take them off eventually 🙂
Brenda: As the person in the middle (you are the only child) YOU should be the “empire” and recommend a solution such as: take a pair of cutting tools (like from the garden) and cut the pants up the middle so each of them have one leg each.
Problem solved
Arnold
Carole and I have been married 56 years so I do have experience in solving this type of problem!
If I suggest that, I’ll tell my dad it was YOUR idea so he knows who to blame!!
Wow, those sound like some wonderful pants!
They possessed two of the most important qualities in pants, apparently – comfy and warm 🙂
Hilarious! I read it to my husband. We’ve been married 44 years.
Are you fighting over pants, yet, Christine? 🙂