Okay, a quick recap: yesterday was Day One of the Cabbage Soup Experiment. During that first day, I managed to botch the soup—by adding 12 cups of onions and forgetting the cabbage—and then I transformed myself into a bloated, walrus-like creature by eating two enormous bowls of the stuff before the veggies were properly cooked.
But I woke up optimistic. Today—day two—had to be better. First of all, the second day of the Cabbage Soup Diet starts with a baked potato. True, you can’t add sour cream, butter or any other dollops of delicious awesomeness, but at least it’s a baked potato. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to eat mine before racing out to take Kid #4 for her driver’s license test this morning. No worries, I told myself…I’d dig into that dry baked potato when I got home in an hour or so. I didn’t get back in an hour or so. The place was very very crowded. I didn’t get back until mid-afternoon.
I. Was. Hungry.
Cheese is one of my favorite foods—so it is, of course, forbidden on the Cabbage Soup Diet. Frankly, after being awake for seven hours without anything to eat, I didn’t give a shit. I threw a potato into the microwave and—unable to wait the four minutes it would take to cook—I yanked open the fridge and started eating cheese. I ate garlic and herb cheese, old cheddar cheese, Asiago cheese…yes, I went on a Dairy Bender. Then—because this was the Cabbage Soup Diet, after all—I ate the baked potato and two huge bowls of cabbage soup. I was full, and I was happy. For about an hour.
There’s something that those diet gurus don’t tell you about the Cabbage Soup Diet. Have you heard of Golytely? It’s the stuff doctors often prescribe to clean out people’s bowels before colonoscopies. It’s very effective. Almost as effective as cabbage soup. Proponents of the cabbage soup diet claim that you can lose 10 pounds in seven days on this plan. What they don’t mention is that the 10 pounds you lose consist primarily of the contents of your digestive tract, plus your digestive tract lining, appendix, gallbladder and other odds and ends that you have destroyed and will no longer be able to use. Cabbage soup is such an effective bowel prep that when I walk across the wood floors, now, I hear an echoing sound coming from inside my belly.
The worst part? I’m hungry again. So before I go to bed, I’m going to have to eat another bowl of bowel prep.
Day Three tomorrow. I’ll keep you posted.
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Do tell.. did you ever make it to day 3, or did you throw in the towel and cave in to all the yummy naughtiness in the fridge?
Sigh….I failed completely. I’ve thrown in the towel, frozen the cabbage soup (I have NO idea what I’ll do with it all), and I’m trying a more moderate approach. I haven’t lost a pound, which is incredible – but at least I’m not racing to the bathroom every five minutes!