Five things I learned yesterday afternoon:

1. If the oven is on, and you put a cold block of butter on top of the stove to soften, it will not soften. It will liquefy.

2. A liquefied block of butter is exactly the same shape as a cold block of butter.

3. If you pick up a liquefied block of butter and turn to walk across the kitchen, the butter will explode out though all the cracks in the wrapper and you will be left holding an empty, dripping wrapper.

4. Cats love melted butter.

5. Cat Butter Barf is hard to get off of carpeting.

I pass these lessons along to you so you can learn from my mistakes. You’re welcome.