Monthly Archives: February 2014

Blue Balls and Rabid Squirrels:
Not as Fun as They Sound

My heart goes out to people who need to lose a lot of weight—and I have the utmost admiration for anyone who successfully loses 50, 70, 100 pounds or more. What makes me feel this way? Probably the fact that I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to lose the same eight pounds for the past 18 years. Yes, you read that right. Eight pounds, 18 years. Apparently, my motto when it comes to portion control is “I don’t wanna.”

I used to be able to use the excuse that it was baby weight. Not anymore. Although some of my kids are still young, those are the adopted ones. The last time my uterus actually grew anything useful was 18 years ago. I wanted to find some way to take off that weight—some way that didn’t involve portion control. Continue reading