Brenda’s Travel Guide Extraordinaire

I won’t be traveling anywhere in the near future (or the far future, for that matter). But you might be—and that’s why I’ve taken time out of my busy schedule of wine drinking and cat petting to create this helpful guide for travelers. You’re welcome.

Hate long plane flights? Scotland offers the shortest commercial flight in the world. It travels 1.7 miles from Westray to Papa Westray, and takes just 53 seconds. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pack your own lunch—the airline doesn’t serve meals on that flight.

Love picnics? Antarctica—despite its name—does not have a single native species of ant. You’ll need thermal undies, but at least you won’t have to share your potato salad with the little bastards.

Want to gaze at pyramids? Then head to Sudan. While Egypt has a measly 138 pyramids, Sudan boasts an impressive 255.

Obsessed with Christmas? There are three towns in the U.S. called Santa Claus—one in Indiana, one in Georgia and one in Arizona. If you drink enough coffee, you can drive through all three in just 66 hours (assuming you don’t stop for bathroom breaks).

Love a challenge? Scotland wins, again. Their official animal is the unicorn—and you’ll be pretty popular, there, if you can spot one.

Hate stepping on gum? You’ll want to head straight to Singapore, where it’s illegal to import, sell or spit out chewing gum. People caught breaking Singapore’s anti-gum laws face fines as high as $100,000, plus two years in jail.

Want to confuse your travel partners? Take them to Bulgaria and ask the locals a ton of questions. People in Bulgaria move their heads up and down to say “no,” and shake their heads side to side to say “yes.”

Don’t mind a little traffic? For some inexplicable reason, the 33,000 residents of San Marino—one of the smallest countries in the world—have crammed 42,000 cars into their 23 square miles of space.

And if you’re considering vacationing in Canada, be forewarned—apologizing will not get you out of trouble if you break any of their laws. In 2009, The Apology Act was passed in Canada. This act specifies that an apology is inadmissible in court, as it is considered merely an expression of sympathy or regret, not an admission of guilt.

Sorry…