In this week’s news…sharks, farts and pole dancers

It’s been a rough week for Brett Palmer. Brett—a 34-year-old Australian—caught a fish off the coast of Victoria. Unfortunately, the fish was a shark. Equally unfortunate: Brett was in a kayak, and he didn’t let go of his fishing rod. The shark took off, yanking Brett out of his kayak, and Brett learned how difficult it is to water ski without water skis. Thankfully, Brett was spotted by some fishermen, who pulled him into their boat before the shark glanced back and realized it had dinner on a string.

It’s been a rough week for Transavia Airlines, as well. They’ve been hit with a lawsuit by several passengers who were enraged about a gas leak on their flight. Just to be clear: The gas leak was not from the plane—it was from an elderly man with no shame and a wildly enthusiastic colon. His emissions caused significant olfactory distress for the other passengers, and once it became clear that the flight attendants were not going to help, a fight broke out and the plane had to make an emergency landing in Vienna. Four angry passengers were removed by police, and the plane (with the Incredible Farting Senior still on board) continued to Amsterdam. The lawsuit is now in progress—no word, yet, on whether they’ve fumigated the plane.

It’s been a rough week for a senior’s home in Britain, as well. The folks running Fairmile Grange Home in Christchurch had determined that pudding and macrame classes weren’t keeping their residents happy, so they did what any good senior’s home would do: They paid six pole dancers to perform in the communal dining room. The residents were wildly enthusiastic about this new form of entertainment, but the politicians in Christchurch were not, and they demanded that this activity stop immediately. The folks running Fairmile Grange Home handled the controversy with great dignity—they told the stuffed shirts to go to hell, and they’ve booked the pole dancers to put on another show.

So while I wouldn’t recommend fishing off the coast of Victoria, Australia, and you may need a gas mask if you’re booking a flight on Transavia Airlines, it’s great to know that, in our golden years, we’ll be able to aggravate politicians and watch pole dancers at the same time.