I woke up at 2 a.m. last night wondering why my stomach felt weirdly bloated and tight. By 2:05 I was in the bathroom, and I spent the next three hours hoping my kids wouldn’t find me there, dead, in the morning. I’ll spare you the details, but I would like to pass along the lessons I learned during my 3-hour marathon vomiting spree:
1. If you can’t even remember when you served roast beef, eating the leftovers that you find in the back of the fridge is a risky gamble.
2. Yes, topping old roast beef with sour cream will improve the beef’s flavor, but if the sour cream expired three weeks ago, well, you’re gambling again. Stop that.
3. No diet ever invented will help you drop pounds as quickly as a good old-fashioned bout of food poisoning will (I’m finally ready for bathing suit season—as long as I don’t eat again).
4. No exercise plan will give you as great an abdominal workout as hours of vomiting will (today, I did not feel any need to do the sit-ups that I never do, anyway).
5. Lying on a cold, hard floor for hours will make you yearn for the days when it was actually fashionable to have thick shag carpeting in bathrooms.
Bottom line: Yes, back-of-the-fridge leftovers are a quick and cheap lunch—but if you have other plans for your night (like, say, sleeping) may I suggest tossing them in the compost and making toast?
Do, by all means, get feeling better real soon.
Hope that experience is history as you certainly do not need to do that again.
Feel better fast and enjoy a great sleep.
Arnold
Thank you, Mr. Forsyth – I hope that’s the last time I make myself that miserable…
Oh, my Lord! We just had a purge of the fridge today, and I’m glad we did! No way would I give up a good night’s sleep having to be hugging the porcelain throne. Sure hope that bout is over for you, and that you are completely on the mend!
I had a great sleep last night and feel like a new person today (one who can stand upright and actually eat food). I’ve also done a fridge purge this morning, Martha – I’m with you on that! 🙂
Thank goodness you got rid of that roast beef before we come for dinner!!!
Agreed – I’m glad I only poisoned myself!