What do I need to do to be classy? I’m asking because I’m sitting here in my 14-year-old flannel pajamas, drinking dumpster wine and reading about how I won 3rd place in the district typing championships in grade 11—and I have no recollection of competing in a typing contest. Here’s the newspaper clipping (I’m the one hiding behind the Mr. Magoo glasses and Farrah Fawcett hairdo):
Clearly, having amnesia about my most monumental achievement in high school is troubling—but I don’t think that means I can’t be classy. Wearing 14-year-old flannel pj’s might be more problematic, but I only wear them indoors. And to the mailbox. Okay, and once to the bank, but it was dark and I was only using the ATM.
It’s the dumpster wine that might be making this classiness thing a little tougher. I should probably explain: I’m not a dumpster diver myself, but when a friend showed up at my door and said, “This bag of wine was in the dumpster behind the liquor store. Do you want it?” Naturally, my answer was yes, because my favorite varietal of wine is Free.
And if you think I can’t get any lower-class than that, you don’t know me very well. Because boxed wine is virtually impossible to pour when the box, itself, is missing and there’s no one around to help you. I said virtually impossible. Feeling oh-so-pleased with my ingenuity, I set a large wine glass on the floor and put my left foot on the base to hold it upright. Then I gripped the (surprisingly heavy) bag of wine between my teeth, bent over so the valve was directly above the glass and then used both hands to hold the valve open until my glass was filled to the brim.
Clever? Yes. Classy? Hey, I won 3rd place in a typing contest 39 years ago—the district typing championships—so don’t judge.
😂😂😂
Not judging ever when it comes to wine! Brenda, I’m sending you the best wishes for a blessed New year!
Thank you, Martha – I hope you have a wonderful 2019! 🙂
Congratulations on the typing contest, Brenda. I hope the wine didn’t give you a headache. Happy New Year!
Not at all, Marianne – I’ve built up a good tolerance for the stuff 🙂
You always make me laugh and you did today but I do worry about that wine. I would be afraid to drink it in case it had been tampered with – worse than that it might not even be wine – did you think of that? 🙂
My kids checked it out for me before I tried it – it’s a one-way valve so perfectly safe (and it’s definitely wine) 🙂
If I had to choose between wine and being classy, wine would win every time. I admire your ingenuity, Brenda. I hope the New Year brings you plenty of wine.
Thank you, Colleen – I hope you have a wonderful new year 🙂
I don’t even know you!!!!!!!!
HI DAD!! It’s me – your daughter 🙂 Ha!
I’ve enjoyed reading this. You put a smile on my face.. It’s a bit sore now, LOL, but I know in time I’ll get use to smiling when reading your post/comments. It’s a delight and refreshing, like drinking a cool glass of water. Thank you
Thank you, Brenda 🙂