What do I need to do to be classy? I’m asking because I’m sitting here in my 14-year-old flannel pajamas, drinking dumpster wine and reading about how I won 3rd place in the district typing championships in grade 11—and I have no recollection of competing in a typing contest. Here’s the newspaper clipping (I’m the one hiding behind the Mr. Magoo glasses and Farrah Fawcett hairdo):