I won’t be traveling anywhere in the near future (or the far future, for that matter). But you might be—and that’s why I’ve taken time out of my busy schedule of wine drinking and cat petting to create this helpful guide for travelers. You’re welcome.
Hate long plane flights? Scotland offers the shortest commercial flight in the world. It travels 1.7 miles from Westray to Papa Westray, and takes just 53 seconds. Unfortunately, Continue reading
A lot of people aren’t making New Year’s resolutions this year. I think they should. New Year’s resolutions give you the opportunity to look ahead and mull over exactly how much you’re willing to change in a 12-month period. Here are my resolutions for 2018:
1. I will accept, and even embrace, my total dependence on caffeine to get through the day, and wine to self-medicate in the evenings. Continue reading
Champagne, parties, fattening food…there are a lot of things we associate with New Year’s Eve. But if you’d like to try something new—and you like throwing stuff—here are some fun traditions to consider:
Tired of your dishes? In Denmark, people grab their ugliest plates and bowls, then skulk around on New Year’s Eve throwing them at the front doors of their friends. Apparently, Continue reading
My parents celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary last May. I’m not sure which one that is—diamond? gold? arsenic? Whatever…they’ve been together 55 years, and they get along great. Then last week it finally happened—The Big Fight. The trigger? My mom wanted to get into my dad’s pants. Continue reading
As I was slogging home from the grocery store—with a large knapsack of groceries on my back, plus two bags of groceries on each arm—I came to a realization. I realized the problem wasn’t the cabbage. The problem was that I’m an idiot. Continue reading
Wouldn’t it be great if you could win a Nobel Prize for proving that people are more likely to take risks at slot machines after touching live crocodiles? Well, you can’t—the Nobel Prize committee has no interest in reptile-induced gambling sprees. Thankfully, you can win an Ig Nobel Prize. Continue reading
Have you ever been dragged out of a deep sleep by a massive muscle spasm in your leg? That happened to me this week, except the muscle spasm wasn’t in my leg—it was somewhere deep in my intestines. I am, of course, a logical person—so I quickly deduced that I was dying and I’d better empty my bladder so the paramedics wouldn’t find my body in a puddle of pee (in my defense, my thinking tends to be a bit muddied at 2 am).
So I leapt out of bed (way too quickly, I would soon discover) Continue reading
“A dishwasher is not a garbage disposal. Scrape off plates before you put them in there, you bonehead.”
Those are wise words from my dad. Wise words that I probably should have listened to years ago. However—much like a toddler who ignores parental warnings, then runs face-first into a wall—I boldly embarked on dishwasher ownership with a risqué attitude and more optimism than brains. Continue reading
Remember my pie crust fiasco last week? Well, a friend on Goodreads heard about it and offered his pie crust recipe…under the condition that he remain anonymous so women would not start throwing themselves at him. Desperate, I agreed to his condition.
I now have Anonymous Man’s Pastry Recipe (I’ve included it below). This has turned out to be Continue reading
I made two pie crusts this weekend. Not just regular crusts, either—I made the worst pie crusts in the history of pastry. The phrase “I’ve had worse,” would have been a compliment. Continue reading