The Night My Cat Tried to Kill Me

Have you ever been dragged out of a deep sleep by a massive muscle spasm in your leg? That happened to me this week, except the muscle spasm wasn’t in my leg—it was somewhere deep in my intestines. I am, of course, a logical person—so I quickly deduced that I was dying and I’d better empty my bladder so the paramedics wouldn’t find my body in a puddle of pee (in my defense, my thinking tends to be a bit muddied at 2 am).

So I leapt out of bed (way too quickly, I would soon discover) Continue reading

Yes, I AM Tired of Learning the Hard Way (thanks for asking)

“A dishwasher is not a garbage disposal. Scrape off plates before you put them in there, you bonehead.”

Those are wise words from my dad. Wise words that I probably should have listened to years ago. However—much like a toddler who ignores parental warnings, then runs face-first into a wall—I boldly embarked on dishwasher ownership with a risqué attitude and more optimism than brains. Continue reading

The Case of the Suicidal Pastry

Remember my pie crust fiasco last week? Well, a friend on Goodreads heard about it and offered his pie crust recipe…under the condition that he remain anonymous so women would not start throwing themselves at him. Desperate, I agreed to his condition.

I now have Anonymous Man’s Pastry Recipe (I’ve included it below). This has turned out to be Continue reading

Meet Sir PoopsAlot

It’s one of the most pressing questions facing humanity: What color is Antarctic penguin poo? An intrepid group of researchers from England’s University of Cambridge has donned their thermal undies and sacrificed three months of their lives in order to answer this question for us. Continue reading