I know, I know…Wisteria is beautiful. Beautiful blooms, beautiful smell, blah blah blah. Wisteria is also Evil Overlord of the Plant Kingdom. If you have one in your yard, you should know that this plant’s primary goal is to destroy everything—including your house.
Think I’m joking? I am not. My proof:
1. Wisteria is a legume. That means it looks like a flowering plant, yet it’s closely related to baked beans. Continue reading
Good news: I’m taking an online humor writing course, so I’m about to get funny—really funny. You’ll need Depends.
But I haven’t finished the course, yet, so today I’d like to talk about a very serious issue: Spring onion infestations. Continue reading
My next blog post will be about my one week attempt at following a paleo diet (I now understand what the word “hangry” means).
But today, just a quick note: Continue reading
My house is the epicenter of the entire North American rodent infestation. Last winter, I killed 121 mice. This winter…more. Many, many more. You’ve heard of the five stages of grief? Well, they apply to mouse infestations, too. Here’s how it goes: Continue reading
My next blog post will be a step-by-step guide designed to help you master the fine art of trapping any mice that dare to invade your home. My qualifications? My house appears to be the epicenter of the entire North American rodent infestation.
But today, Continue reading
Five things I learned yesterday afternoon:
1. If the oven is on, and you put a cold block of butter on top of the stove to soften, it will not soften. It will liquefy.
2. A liquefied block of butter is exactly the same shape as a cold block of butter.
3. If you pick up a liquefied block of butter and turn to walk across the kitchen, the butter will explode out though all the cracks in the wrapper and you will be left holding an empty, dripping wrapper.
4. Cats love melted butter.
5. Cat Butter Barf is hard to get off of carpeting.
I pass these lessons along to you so you can learn from my mistakes. You’re welcome.
A few weeks ago, I decided to make falafel. Why? Because a cooking website emailed me the recipe, and because falafel is fun to say when you’ve had two glasses of wine. I made a few mistakes during my cooking spree, and I’ve decided to pass my new-found knowledge on to you. You’re welcome.
Lesson #1: Falafel, falafel, falafel…
Yes, it’s fun to say falafel after drinking two glasses of wine. But Continue reading
My next blog post will be about what I learned while attempting to make falafels—a Middle Eastern classic—from scratch. Hint: You’ll want to have a fire extinguisher handy.
But today, I wanted to tell you that my French early chapter book, Pyjamazoo, is free on amazon until this Sunday (Nov. 29). If you or your kids would like a fun read that helps you practice your French, you can download it here: Pyjamazoo!
Thank you!
Brenda Kearns
Everyone blathers on about the miracle of childbirth. They never mention all of the not-so-miraculous things that happen if you deliver a baby at home. By accident. My first kid was an accidental home birth. Here’s what I learned on that memorable day: Continue reading
My next blog post will be about the horrors of home birthing (Yeah, I said it. Everyone blathers on about the miracle of childbirth. They never mention that the steam cleaner could malfunction afterwards, do they?). But today, I wanted to ask you a favor. My middle grade novel, Home, is free on amazon until this Thursday (Sept. 24). Even if you’re completely booked for the next decade and won’t have time to read it, if you simply downloaded it, it would really help me. A lot. Just click the link here: Home
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Brenda
